Thursday, June 18, 2009


i've been soo stressed out lately. i feel like i can't move or do anything and im just running away from the source when i know i should be dealing with that shit ASAP... but im not. why am i like this? do i like to see myself suffer?

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

soo now what

you know when one of your close friends is hella depressed and you see it and you try to help but they are either unresponsive to your offer of assistance or unwilling to open up and so you end up stuck not knowing what to do?

yeea that's where i am right now.

Sunday, June 7, 2009


the past couple of weeks, ive been watching a lot of filipino soap operas aka teleseryes on youtube (cuz i don't have tfc at home). i guess it's part of me wanting to watch or do something totally different and just getting my mind away from things. is it a coincidence that they're all freakin romance/comedy soap operas? ugh.

Friday, June 5, 2009


i suck. i cant seem to get a break in anything. and i dont wanna play the blame game cuz i got nobody but myself....

Monday, June 1, 2009

being a martyr vs. being stupid

MARTYR - someone who suffers or makes great sacrifices for the sake of a principle; someone who suffers silently for a long time; etc.

am i being a MARTYR because despite the fact that i know i get hurt whenever he tells me things about other guys, i am still there for him for the sake of this bestfriendship? even if we both know that nothing can ever happen and every time i see him kissin or cupcakin and shit with some other guy, i can't help but feel like sucha loser. but i suck it up & put on my poker face, tryna hide the fact that my heart feels like it's going through a paper shredder, or that my head is running a million miles a minute with different thoughts. i say to myself "it's coo, i can take this..." but honestly im practically dying inside.

STUPIDITY - a wrong action attributable to bad judgment or ignorance; being rash or foolish.

albert einstein was quoted that "the definition of stupidity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results." am i being STUPID because i keep on putting myself in these kinds of situations repeatedly knowing that i will get hurt, and hoping in vain that maybe someday the result im expecting will happen? if i know that being around him and seeing him act the way he does around other guys hurts me, why am i stupid enough to still be there. am i choosing to ignore certain facts. am i letting my feelings for this guy make me act so dumb that i am ignoring what is the best thing i can do for my own sake...

which one am i...